A Hard Lesson to Learn

I know that God's always trying to teach me something, but it's kind of frustrating to find out that the thing he's been trying to teach me isn't something that comes naturally to me. Back when I first became a Christian, all I had to learn was that I had to think of others before myself every once in a while, and that porn was bad, sex was good, and cancer sucks. Now (assuming I'm not just being arrogant) God seems to want me to move on past the beginner stuff and move on to the easiest of the real lessons, which of course are nearly impossible. I'm having to figure out how to depend on God when he doesn't seem to be around, how to show love to others even though nobody is really showing it to me, and how to take on more and more responsibility while losing my ability to deal with it. I've always admired those few men I know of who managed to do the impossible even though they had nothing going for them; now it seems that I've got to either become one of those men or die trying.

Have you ever heard anyone talk about how you're supposed to give your entire life over to God? Well, it seems that the longer you wait to do that, the easier God makes it. As long as I've ignored God, my relationships started going south, I became more stressed even though I never had anything to do, and things just generally turned to shit. The longer I wait to give my life to God, the less of a life I have to give him.

lust

it is houman nature, programed into us to reproduce. but we seem to have lost sight of the purpose of sex. to most people what was once the expected result has become a side efect. one that they think can be cured by using a condom or some form of birth controle. it works like a charm most of the time. but when it doesent, for the most part, they see it as a problem or "an accident". well no shit what did you expect to happen. if your not prepared to have a child maby you shouldnt be proforming a reproductive act in the first place. the option most turn to is abortion, which is murder. why wouldnt it be concidered as such. it is legal in arkansas up til the 25th week of the pregnancy. the you can detect heart beats at 21 days. you do the math. at any rate mankind needs to fuckin start thinking for a change and use some logic when it comes to this whole sex thing.

and now for the topic of sex in our culture. not to much has changed over the years, it just came into the open. socaily acceptable to have sex on the first date or with a complete stranger. having no background information before you do something like that sounds like a bad op to me. i know i dont want any std's. and people still wonder why they get them. advrtisments lure people into buying a product by hinting tward sex. it has just lost its meaning to most people.

not to say that im perfect in this aspect. im far from it. but i want to make it sacred in my life again.

near death

so there i was, no shit, driving along on the highway minding my own buisness. when my tire desided it didnt want to be on my car any more. so now im going backwards and about to hit a wall at 85. the only thing i could think to say was "oh shit". my budy was asleep, he woke up about the time we went backwards. he sais he thaught he was dreaming and just laid back down.
so i decided "hey, if i turn the wheel to the right well turn back around." so i turn the wheel and we spin back around but now we're headed into a ditch with a fence on the other side. i push on the brake and we stop right before the ditch. we looked to the left and watched the tire contenue to role down the highway. for about the next 15 miniutes all i could do was laugh. it took a while to sink in that i could have died. i thanked God that we lived threw that.

so we get the tires changed, and get back on the road. we where headed down some podunk road and a black bear was just chillin in the middle of the road. i think God was just fuckin with me.

The Little Voice

So, this weekend I did something I wouldn't normally do. A couple friends from work invited me to go see a movie with them (a chick flick), and while I was really uncomfortable hanging out outside my normal circle of friends, I felt the little voice in the back of my mind telling me it would be good for me. So I went, and it was awesome, and I now I'm actually friends with two of my coworkers. So the little voice is apparently pretty smart. The thing is, I hear the little voice in God situations too. I think it might be time I started listening.

Creatures of Habit

Okay, I'm posting again.

It's kind of weird to see how important familiarity really is to people. I was talking to a bunch of homeless guys the other day (talking is a relative term; I got lost and showed up 45 minutes late) and I noticed that even though their lives pretty much suck, they find so much comfort in the devil they know - homelessness - that they don't even want to try for the devil they don't - still poverty, but at least with a job and a home. There are many people who can't or won't hire the homeless, but many homeless people who probably could get back on their feet again just don't want to try. Sometimes I think I'd rather go back to being a nihilist - even though I know how much I hated that the first time around - than try to be the Christian I want to be. Creatures of habit, we humans are.

fighting

i believe that fighting makes you weak, mentaly that is. if you cant resolve things threw descution or some other non violent means (physical or verbal), then you are, in fact, weak. now defending your self, others, an ideaology, or a country on the other hand i find acceptable. but there comes a point where the defender can become the agresser. people much more important than i am get to make the call on that most of the time. if that point is crossed, if you are no longer protecting but now causing the same problems that you had just faced, i believe that you are wrong in doing so.

This Life on Loan

I'll never understand why people continue to think that they can fix the world. The French believed that their revolution would take the world by storm, as did the Russians. Now, modern progressives and Marxists make excuses for why they failed, and assure us that their promised utopia is still attainable. Rousseau was wrong; you can't force people to be happy.

On the other hand, all those who think democracy is going to fix the world don't really seem to have much of a leg to stand on either. After all, Mussolini and Hitler were fairly elected, and the Athenians eventually followed the will of their people into imperialism (and they sort of killed Socrates, too). Most politicians don't have the balls to say it, but following the will of the people doesn't do shit if the people are stupid.

The world is broken, and if we haven't found a way to fix it by now, we aren't going to. We will continue to become more barbarous in the name of progress, and millions will continue to die in the name of peace. And of course, every generation will still believe that it is somehow more special than all the generations before it; that if everyone in the world really pulls together and respects each other, than the world will be just peachy. It's an endless, meaningless cycle.

I, for one, refuse to dedicate my existence to something as futile as progress. Even if it does fix the world eventually, I won't be involved in any process so cruel, calculating and impersonal. I'd prefer to actually live.

Individuals and civilizations both fade away, but God never does. The only way to get any meaning out of life is to sign it over to the only being that is eternal. God isn't our grandfather; he didn't give us life so that we squander it and then die (I'm aware most grandfathers don't do this either, but I like this analogy, so shut up). God is our father, and he gave us life so that we could use it.

This blog is going to have three main purposes. First, to reinforce that selfish and progress-obsessed ideologies are futile and dissatisfying. Second, to show that the only life worth living is a life given up to God. Third, to try and figure out what the hell a life lived for God actually looks like. Here's hoping we succeed.

expectations

we all have them, but why. why do we incist on knowing what is going to happen next? most people base their lives around some kind of scedual. they expect certain things to happen every day. its a luxury that most of us here in america have. but imagine how you would live if your city was a war zone. yes, your city turned into the host of piontless exchange of rounds that you are told is for a just cause. what would you expect on a day to day basis then.

personaly i like not knowing what the next day will bring. all i know when i wake up is that i will be ready to do what i do best, help those in need.

(the war zone analogy was all i could come up with)