A Hard Lesson to Learn

I know that God's always trying to teach me something, but it's kind of frustrating to find out that the thing he's been trying to teach me isn't something that comes naturally to me. Back when I first became a Christian, all I had to learn was that I had to think of others before myself every once in a while, and that porn was bad, sex was good, and cancer sucks. Now (assuming I'm not just being arrogant) God seems to want me to move on past the beginner stuff and move on to the easiest of the real lessons, which of course are nearly impossible. I'm having to figure out how to depend on God when he doesn't seem to be around, how to show love to others even though nobody is really showing it to me, and how to take on more and more responsibility while losing my ability to deal with it. I've always admired those few men I know of who managed to do the impossible even though they had nothing going for them; now it seems that I've got to either become one of those men or die trying.

Have you ever heard anyone talk about how you're supposed to give your entire life over to God? Well, it seems that the longer you wait to do that, the easier God makes it. As long as I've ignored God, my relationships started going south, I became more stressed even though I never had anything to do, and things just generally turned to shit. The longer I wait to give my life to God, the less of a life I have to give him.