A Hard Lesson to Learn

I know that God's always trying to teach me something, but it's kind of frustrating to find out that the thing he's been trying to teach me isn't something that comes naturally to me. Back when I first became a Christian, all I had to learn was that I had to think of others before myself every once in a while, and that porn was bad, sex was good, and cancer sucks. Now (assuming I'm not just being arrogant) God seems to want me to move on past the beginner stuff and move on to the easiest of the real lessons, which of course are nearly impossible. I'm having to figure out how to depend on God when he doesn't seem to be around, how to show love to others even though nobody is really showing it to me, and how to take on more and more responsibility while losing my ability to deal with it. I've always admired those few men I know of who managed to do the impossible even though they had nothing going for them; now it seems that I've got to either become one of those men or die trying.

Have you ever heard anyone talk about how you're supposed to give your entire life over to God? Well, it seems that the longer you wait to do that, the easier God makes it. As long as I've ignored God, my relationships started going south, I became more stressed even though I never had anything to do, and things just generally turned to shit. The longer I wait to give my life to God, the less of a life I have to give him.

lust

it is houman nature, programed into us to reproduce. but we seem to have lost sight of the purpose of sex. to most people what was once the expected result has become a side efect. one that they think can be cured by using a condom or some form of birth controle. it works like a charm most of the time. but when it doesent, for the most part, they see it as a problem or "an accident". well no shit what did you expect to happen. if your not prepared to have a child maby you shouldnt be proforming a reproductive act in the first place. the option most turn to is abortion, which is murder. why wouldnt it be concidered as such. it is legal in arkansas up til the 25th week of the pregnancy. the you can detect heart beats at 21 days. you do the math. at any rate mankind needs to fuckin start thinking for a change and use some logic when it comes to this whole sex thing.

and now for the topic of sex in our culture. not to much has changed over the years, it just came into the open. socaily acceptable to have sex on the first date or with a complete stranger. having no background information before you do something like that sounds like a bad op to me. i know i dont want any std's. and people still wonder why they get them. advrtisments lure people into buying a product by hinting tward sex. it has just lost its meaning to most people.

not to say that im perfect in this aspect. im far from it. but i want to make it sacred in my life again.

near death

so there i was, no shit, driving along on the highway minding my own buisness. when my tire desided it didnt want to be on my car any more. so now im going backwards and about to hit a wall at 85. the only thing i could think to say was "oh shit". my budy was asleep, he woke up about the time we went backwards. he sais he thaught he was dreaming and just laid back down.
so i decided "hey, if i turn the wheel to the right well turn back around." so i turn the wheel and we spin back around but now we're headed into a ditch with a fence on the other side. i push on the brake and we stop right before the ditch. we looked to the left and watched the tire contenue to role down the highway. for about the next 15 miniutes all i could do was laugh. it took a while to sink in that i could have died. i thanked God that we lived threw that.

so we get the tires changed, and get back on the road. we where headed down some podunk road and a black bear was just chillin in the middle of the road. i think God was just fuckin with me.